Straight up, or sideways!

There's a country song, popular in its time, which says "When you hit rock bottom, you've got two ways to go: Straight Up or Sideways!" I've spent two years struggling up and skittering sideways. I don't know that it will change anytime soon, but I know that the last time I truly felt I was balancing well was when I was blogging regularly.

So here I go, again.

I've been sick, I am sick. I may never be better. We have family living with us because I'm not well enough to care for my kids on my own, more than a few hours lays me out in bed. My capabilities are at an all time low, but this time we know why. I've struggled through Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sorrow and flirted with Acceptance. Restarting my blog is another step towards acceptance.

I posted a while back about starting IV therapy. Ultimately my doctor and I decided that it seems to provide me the most benefit during the summer months. Lately I've been doing my physical therapy at the local pool with a water aerobics class. It seems to be good and I've stuck with it more consistently than any other form of exercise I've tried.

I keep relapsing, however. Just this last week and a half I've had a really nasty chest cold. I've been barely able to even sit up for more than an hour or two at a time, and I've lost a lot of the progress I'd been making.

I have to admit that I'm tired, frustrated, sad and exhausted. I'm tied of trying. I'm tired of being less than I know I could be if I had my strength back. I'm just so tired of sick.

But I've learned one very important thing about myself. I always keep going. I am unstoppable. "Going" for me right now means getting out of bed for more than two or three hours at a time, yet I do it! Being "unstoppable" doesn't mean what it did for me even three years ago; then it meant large projects and superhuman results. Now, it means baby steps! But I still make them.

My current goal? Get over this cold.
After that? Begin establishing daily habits again. Even if they're small ones. Perhaps especially because they're small ones!